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The Fourth Way

Story - Returning to Consciousness

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My Story by Kevin F. C.

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Recently I found Group through Darragh Grove-White...through a chance meeting.

My life had been in a period of turmoil and what I termed depression for about five years. This depression was centered around my painful divorce and subsequent court battles, combined with loosing a successful brokerage business. My children now lived four hours away...and I had no current relationship with a woman.

After working in Group for approximately three months; I had experienced a lot of care. My growth in understanding my feelings was proceeding in a number of directions and I want to share an unexpected leap forward.

While returning from my normal bi-weekly drive to see my children...I became aware that my consciousness was changing. In past, negative thoughts would circle around me psychologically...kind of like little helicopters each with different labels like; fear, panic, anger, etc. My normal experience was to be hooked into these negative feelings and then run a script around my current 'victim' status. These negative feelings and this script had been companions of mine for a long time.

But something had changed and my awareness seemed to be separate and witnessing these circling thoughts...What I noticed was that these negative thoughts were not attaching, they were unable to take over my program and spin their normal web of confusion. Instead I experienced a wonder, my consciousness was now separate, and it was not my thoughts! As this realization hit, I also understood that my experience of the old pattern, had been going on for many, many years...

Through Group work and by consulting with Dermot and Ross on what had changed in my interior, I was able to understand where my new experience was coming from. Fran, Dermot, Ross and Group helped me to dump a load of anger around my former wife and our failed marriage. And around my past business partners. This heavy burden was dropped off my shoulders by releasing the feelings I had been suppressing. And once room was created...many improvements started to come in to my new life...and rapidly! Getting and maintaining myself in my heart...helped me remember and recreate this improved level of consciousness!

My experience of the Group work has been many things; awkward, uncomfortable, intense...also; uplifting, encouraging, tremendously stimulating and challenging. Learning to feel my way through life has healed my past and allows me to live 'real time' by trusting my feelings in the moment. By attending sessions at The Mill...I was able to feel out my pain in a safe way...but the key for me is the intensity. When my false masks were presented in group, they were called for what they were! When I was able to express love and truth, it was celebrated! This intensity creates fast learning for me...and I am celebrating this growth.

Getting help was a beginning for a more healthy way of living...having my consciousness return to a higher level is a great joy. Now my focus is wondering what my future may hold...and my feelings are that it is going to be great. Thank you to all the Group participants!

Kevin C