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The Fourth Way

Quotes about Relationship
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Quotes about Relationship
from "Conversations With God", books 1-3

You can choose to be a person who has resulted simply from what has happened, or from what you’ve chosen to be and do about what has happened. . . .


Bless therefore, every relationship, and hold each as special, and formative of Who You Are – and now choose to be.


Most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them.


The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see “show up”, not what part of another you can capture and hold.


… the purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.


… your grandest dream, your highest idea, and your fondest hope has had to do with your beloved other rather than your beloved Self. The test of your relationship has had to do with how well the other lived up to your ideas, and how well you saw yourself living up to his or hers. Yet the only true test has to do with how well you live up to yours.


Relationships are sacred because they provide life’s grandest opportunity – indeed, its only opportunity – to create and produce the experience of your highest conceptualization of Self.


Relationships fail when you see them as life’s grandest opportunity to create and produce the experience of your highest conceptualization of another.


Let each person in relationship worry not about the other, but only, only, only about Self.


… your focus upon the other – your obsession with the other – is what causes relationships to fail.


The most loving person is the person who is Self-centred.


Many people make the mistake of seeking love of Self through love for another.


losing of the Self in a relationship is what causes most of the bitterness in such couplings. … They have given up most of who they are in order to be – and to stay – in their relationship.


When you lose sight of each other as sacred souls on a sacred journey, then you cannot see the purpose, the reason behind all relationships. The soul has come to the body, and the body to life, for the purpose of evolution. You are evolving, you are becoming. And you are using your relationship with everything to decide what you are becoming.


It might not be a bad goal in your life to know the highest part of your Self, and to stay centred in that. Your first relationship, therefore, must be with your Self. You must first learn to honour and cherish and love your Self.


… why you can never truly, purely, fall in love with another. You have never truly, purely fallen in love with your Self.


It is not in the action of another, but in your re-action, that your salvation will be found.


… when you react with pain and hurt to what another is being, saying, or doing. The first is to admit honestly to yourself and to another exactly how you are feeling…. You must honour your feelings. Then ask yourself: now Who Am I, and Who Do I Want to Be, in relationship to that?


… It is when you have the anger, have the upset, have the disgust, have the rage, own the feeling of wanting to “hurt back”, that you can disown these first feelings as “not Who You Want to Be”.


… the Master knows that from the seeds of disaster (and all experience) comes the growth of Self.


The Master is one who always comes up with the same answer – and that answer is always the highest choice. … what choice is highest? If the question truly engages you, you are already on your way to mastery.


When life is lived from a standpoint of damage control or optimum advantage, the true benefit of life is forfeited. … For a life lived thusly is a life lived from fear – and that life speaks a lie about you. For you are not fear, you are love. Love that needs no protection, love that cannot be lost. … winning or losing is not the test, but only loving or failing to love.


… there is only one question:


What would love do now?


No other question is relevant, no other question is meaningful, no other question has any importance to your soul.


… the highest choice is that which produces the highest good for you. … And when the absolute highest choice is made, the mystery dissolves, the circle completes itself, and the highest good for you becomes the highest good for another.


What you do for your Self (Essence), you do for another (‘s Essence). What you do for another (‘s Essence), you do for the Self (Essence).


Ultimately, the person trying to “do what is right” by the other (‘s Ego) – to be quick to forgive, to show compassion, to continually look past certain problems and behaviours – becomes resentful, angry, and mistrusting…


include yourself among those you love.


… putting yourself first in the highest sense never leads to an unGodly act. If, therefore, you have caught yourself in an unGodly act as a result of doing what is best for you, the confusion is not in having put yourself first, but rather in misunderstanding what is best for you.


What are you “up to”? What is your purpose in life? Without answers to these questions, the matter of what is “best” in any given circumstances will remain a mystery.


There are times when you may have to give up Who You Are in order to be Who You Are. … you cannot have it all until you are willing to give it all up.


Life may more than once call upon you to prove Who You Are by demonstrating an aspect of Who You Are Not. … This does not mean in human relationships that if you are being hurt, you have to “hurt back”.


… it would be well to recognize hurt, damage, and loss as part of your experience, and decide Who You Are in relationship to it.


Yes, the things that other think, say or do will sometimes hurt you – until they do not anymore. What will get you from here to there most quickly is total honesty – being willing to assert, acknowledge, and declare exactly how you feel about a thing. Say your truth – kindly, but fully and consistently. Change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings you new clarity.


… you have no obligation. Neither in relationship, nor in all of life. … Nor any restriction or limitation, nor any guidelines or rules. … if you are about the business of creating your Self. If, on the other hand, you imagine yourself to be about the task of trying to be what someone else wants you to be, the absence of rules or guidelines might indeed make things difficult.


You have no obligation in relationship. You have only opportunity


Marriage is a sacrament. But not because of its sacred obligations. Rather because of its unequalled opportunity. Never do anything in relationship out of a sense of obligation. Do whatever you do out of a sense of the glorious opportunity your relationship affords you to decide, and to be, Who You Really Are.


… your job on the planet is not to see how long you can stay in relationship, it’s to decide, and experience, Who You Really Are. …  long-term relationships do hold remarkable opportunities for mutual growth, mutual expression, and mutual fulfillment – and that has its own reward.


For most people, love is a response to need fulfillment. … I’ll trade you what I’ve got if you’ll give me what you’ve got. … But you don’t tell the truth about it. You don’t say  “I trade you very much”. You say  “I love you very much”, and then the disappointment begins.


Be sure you and your mate agree on purpose.

If you both agree at a conscious level that the purpose of your relationship is to create an opportunity, not an obligation – an opportunity for growth, for Self expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about you, …  - the relationship has begun on a very good note.


If you want guarantees in life, then you don’t want life. You want rehearsals for a script that’s already been written. Life by it nature cannot have guarantees, or its whole purpose is thwarted.


Cultivate the technique of seeing all problems as opportunities … to be, and decide Who You Really Are.


See more in you than you think there is to be seen. See more in your partner, too. You will never disserve your relationship – nor anyone – by seeing more in another than they are showing you. For there is more there. Much more. It is only their fear that stops them from showing you.  If others notice that you see them as more, they will feel safe to show you what you obviously already see.


Expectations ruin relationships.


All conflict arises from misplaced desire.


Not “needing” is a great freedom. It frees you, first from fear: fear that there is something you won’t have; fear that there is something you have that you will lose; and fear that without a certain thing or someone you won’t be happy.


Secondly, “not needing” frees you from anger. Anger is fear announced. When you have nothing to fear, you have nothing over which to be angry.


You are not angry when you don’t get what you want, because your wanting it was simply a preference, not a necessity.


When you find inner peace, neither the presence nor absence of any person, place, or thing, condition, circumstance, or situation can be the creator of your state of mind or the cause of your state of being.


you cannot give what you do not have.


Give yourself abundant pleasure, and you will have abundant pleasure to give others.


… if you come to sex with hunger for sex, your ability to pleasure your partner and to experience a prolonged and joyful union of souls and bodies is greatly diminished.


Sexual expression is the inevitable result of an eternal process of attraction and rhythmic energy flow, which fuels all of life.



Of yourself

In order not to betray





It is the

Highest Betrayal.


Those who evolve to a high level of understanding bring their bodily desires into balance with their minds and souls.


… matters of the body: Money. Sex. Power. Possessions. Physical stimulations and satisfactions. Security. Fame. Financial gain.


… matters of the mind: Companionship. Creativity. Stimulation of new thoughts, new ideas. Creation of new goals, new challenges. Personal growth.


… matters of the soul: Spiritual identity. Life purpose. Relationship to God. Path of evolution. Spiritual growth. Ultimate destiny.


Yet evolution does not mean dropping some aspects of Self in favour of others. It simply means expanding focus; turning away from almost exclusive involvement with one aspect, toward genuine love and appreciation for all aspects – in balance with yourself.


Enjoy everything.

Need nothing.


Needing someone is the fastest way to kill a relationship.


… the greatest gift you can give someone is the strength and the power not to need you, to need you for nothing.


… all of life is S.E.X. – Synergistic Energy eXchange.


… sex… the biological imperative is not to guarantee the survival of the species, but to experience the Oneness which is the true nature of your being.


Remember, you are a three-part being (body, mind, soul), with seven chakra centres. When you respond to one another from all three parts, and all seven centres, at the same time, then you have the peak experience you are looking for – that you have been created for!

And there is nothing unholy about any of these energies – yet if you choose just one of them, that is “un-whole-y”. It is not being whole!

When you are not being whole, you are being less than yourself. That is what is meant by “unholy”.


Whatever you are doing – having sex or having breakfast, going to work or walking the beach, jumping rope or reading a good book – whatever you are doing, do it as a whole being; as the whole being you are.


… an invitation: Raise your energy, your life force, to the highest level possible in every moment, and you will be elevated. This has nothing to do with having sex or not having sex. It has to do with raising your consciousness no matter what you are doing.


… sexual energy alone, when not raised to higher chakras and combined with the other energies that make one a whole person, produces choices and outcomes that do not reflect the whole person.


The question is “Who Am I – and Who Are We – with regard to the experience called marriage?”


… life’s largest question: Who Am I – period – with regard to anything, in relationship to anything; Who Am I, and Who Do I Choose to Be?


… make your declaration an announcement moment-to-moment of your freedom, not your ongoing obligation. For true love is always free, and obligation cannot exist in the space of love.


Remember this:  There is only one sacred promise – and that is to tell and live your truth. All other promises are forfeitures of freedom, and that can never be sacred. For freedom is Who You Are. If you forfeit freedom, you forfeit your Self. And that is not sacrament, that is blasphemy.