Make your own free website on

The Fourth Way

Story - Relationship by Tamas Dombi

Home | Gurdjieff | Purpose | Tools | z | Recommended Reading | Community Houses | Directions | Contact | Stories | The Mill | Training | Videos | Links

By Tamas Dombi 

In January of 2001 I was living in a country home one hour north of Toronto with my girlfriend (now wife) Sandra. Our outer world was beautiful, meditation and prayer were an active part of our life. Spiritually we were well and living a magical life full of awe and synchronicity, but something was missing for me. Below the surface there was a constant storm of thoughts and emotions. I found the day-to-day stuff unmanageable, and co-inhabiting a space with another seemed impossible. I had tried everything I knew to control my environment into its desired order, and to find a balance between alone time and together time without success. From a state of despair and hopelessness, which I inhabited much of the time, breaking up seemed like the only option. Consequently I blamed the relationship and Sandra for my unhappiness and I felt as though I was losing myself by being with her. In my unhappiness and frustration of the way things were I crossed the sexual boundaries of my (otherwise) monogamous relationship.

It was in a meditation that winter that I realized how powerless I felt at making a change in my life, and how my behaviors and emotional outbursts towards Sandra would eventually destroy our relationship. I realized that I needed to find a new way of relating, and a way to face the anger and frustration I was holding in my body. I knew that I could no longer afford to do this alone, and needed help. My “doing it on my own” was costing me my relationship. I surrendered to the knowing that I needed the help of other men in order to make effective changes in my life.

It was through synchronicity that I found the Toronto Institute of Self-Healing. I began to feel hopeful as I saw that I was surrounded by people who could relate to what I was going through and who; to various levels mastered the work I was now embarking on. I began to see that there is a way to be in relationship without losing myself, a way to be happy, truthful, a way to listen to, and be heard by each other.

I learned that I had a choice of how I was going to feel throughout the day, and more importantly the tools to do it. I learned freedom to a degree that I had not known before. I learned to respond instead of react to the things that were happening around me. I found a place that taught me the science of well being. A place where I learned practical skills that were lacking in my upbringing, skills that I could transfer into any area of my life. I am grateful for what I have achieved and continue to achieve in my life as a result of the teachings of the folks at the Toronto Institute of Self-healing.


Tamas Dombi