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The Fourth Way

The NVC (Non-Violent Communication) Model
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The NVC Model
 

Honestly expressing how I am without blaming or criticizing.

Empathically receiving how you are without hearing blame or criticism.

 

OBSERVATIONS

 

1. The concrete actions I am observing (seeing, hearing, remembering, imagining) that are contributing (or not contributing) to my well being:

 

“When I (see, hear)…”

1. The concrete actions you are observing (seeing, hearing, remembering, imagining) that are contributing (or not contributing) to your well being:

 

“When you (see, hear)…”

 

FEELINGS

 

2. How I am feeling in relation to these actions:

 

“I feel…”

2. How you are feeling in relation to these actions:

 

“do you feel…?”

 

NEEDS

 

3. The life energy in the form of needs, values, desires, expectations or thoughts that are creating my feelings:

 

“because I am (needing) …”

3. The life energy in the form of needs, values, desires, expectations or thoughts that are creating your feelings:

 

“because you are (needing) …”

 

REQUESTS

 

Clearly requesting that which would enrich my life without demanding

4. The concrete actions I would like taken:

 

“and I would like you to…” or “would you be willing to…?”

Empathically receiving that which would enrich your life without hearing any demand

4. The concrete actions you would like taken:

 

“and would you like me to…?”

 

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg The Center for Nonviolent Communication, 1998-2006